The horrors of the cat sitter and annoying visitors

Thursday
Today was a fun day. The humans are going off for the weekend, some sort of cultural nonsense. I think they are a pair of Philistines and should be staying here with me but they seem to have decided to go. A new black dress has been purchased for the Saturday evening dinner dance (looked a bit mutton dressed up as lamb if you ask me!). Said dress was carefully placed on the top of the suitcase. I pounced on to it for a quick nap and was immediately removed. Had another go - rebuffed again!

Then the telephone rang providing the required distraction. Rather than have a sleep I thought I would have a good roll around and then test the 'scratchibility' of the item. Came up a treat! A couple of dangling threads did not seem a problem to me but I am now banished to the kitchen behind closed doors. How do you remove a sequin from the end of a claw?

Friday
The cat feeder has arrived for her last minute instructions. Good old Madge from next door, who they normally refer to as 'the batty old crone' except for when they want something. Typical insincere behaviour from humans - we cats never behave like that! All looks fine for the weekend, she seems to understand the concept of the tin opener and the location of the biscuits, cans of food and milk. The humans have now gone for the weekend.

Saturday
This is a crisis! Gone 10 o'clock and no Madge, no breakfast! What has happened? 12 o'clock, still no Madge. 2 o'clock, still no Madge. I am not happy, she definitely is a batty old crone. Eventually ambles round at gone 4 o'clock muttering that cats only really need feeding once a day. Pah! Bet she eats more than once a day! Gives me a bowl of Felix but forgets the biscuits. I plot my revenge………

Sunday
Madge wanders round at 3 o'clock. I lie in wait behind the kitchen door, she opens door, puts down food (no biscuits again) and prepares to leave. I pounce! In a pretence of mad affection I claw madly at her legs ….. oh dear, that will be a new pair of tights then. Evil grin!

Monday
The humans return from their trip. They seem to have had a good time, alright for some. I take one look at them and pointedly stalk off down the garden. Time for them to have a guilt trip now I think!

Tuesday
The guilt trip has worked. Fresh tuna for me today - all is right with the world.

Thursday
Things have been very quiet for the past week. I have hardly been out as it is raining all the time. When I do go out there seems to be constant complaints about me leaving paw prints everywhere when I come back in. That will teach them to have pale coloured worktops in the kitchen!

Sunday
Their friend Suzy and her evil little child came to visit today, more problems with her husband apparently. I should imagine he loathes the child as well. Last time she was here she tried to put a knot in my tail (you would not believe the fuss when I bit her). Today she was more subtle and contended herself with spraying me with water from the plant sprayer. Baby Bio I do not need!

Thursday
Suzy back again (this time thankfully without child). As a gesture of goodwill I sit on her lap and do the full purring and kneading routine. She is so impressed that she starts talking about getting a cat of her own. I think she would need a panther to take on that child of hers! Makes me appreciate my home here and the reasonably manageable humans that I have!